Friday, April 25, 2008

Mommy Diaries Part VII: Bullying

High School Reunion
The 80’s song “Only the Lonely” by The Motels is playing in my office which reminded me I wanted to blog about this. The group performed this song at “the prom” on TV Land’s “High School Reunion.” (HSR)
During the second half of my maternity leave I became addicted to TV Land’s “High School Reunion.” It’s a reality show filmed over 2 weeks I believe. They pick a high school from somewhere in the country and a class that graduated 20 years ago. They bring on some “typical” superlative holders and throw them in a house in Hawaii for 2 weeks.

The one I watched aired beginning March 5th and featured the 1987 graduating class of J.J. Pearce High School in Dallas Texas. The “cast” is as follows

DeAnna- The Popular Girl
Steve- The Backstabber (slept with his best friend Mike’s wife, Lana)
Cheryl- The Outsider
Yvette- The Girl Next Door
Glenn- The Geek (bullied by Jason)
Heather- The Heartbreaker
Jason- The Bully (to Glenn)
Justin- The Pipsqueak (and super hot today I might add)
Kat- The Lesbian
Kristin- The Spoiled Girl (formerly engaged to and currently reunited with Sean)
Lana- The Drama Queen (yes, the cheater with Steve)
Rob- The Stud (though “Robbie Sparks” seems to come out easier-his full name)
Sean- The Millionaire
Matt- The Jock
Mike- The Rebel (formerly married to Lana and former best friends with Steve)

ON the outset I’d like to refer you to my “Friends” list on MySpace. Many of the cast of HSR have pages and they’re on my friends list. I’d like you to read Glenn’s Blog. He wrote a blog during the show that was on the TV land website. However, he continues his blog on his MySpace page and has an EXCELLENT blog about being bullied by Jason in high school. This HSR blog will just discuss Glenn, Jason, and bullying. I’ll blog about the rest of the show later.

When Glenn showed up to the reunion he confronted Jason. He told Jason what he did, how Jason hurt him, and demanded that Jason admit his wrongdoings and apologize in front of the rest of the gang. Jason did. He was ashamed and he and Glenn became friends outside the show once they realized how much they had in common. Glenn blogged a shocker. He said that at the end of the show (it wasn’t shown on TV) Jason had the show fly his family to Hawaii to meet Glenn. Jason explained to his boys what he did to Glenn in high school and why it was wrong. Wow…talk about a turnaround.

I was never bullied or picked on in school. If I was teased it was for always raising my hand in class. I guess my “superlative” if I were on High School Reunion would be “The Teacher’s Pet.”

While I was never picked on, my brother was. He was 3 years younger than me and, until high school, was picked on/bullied because of his weight. He would cry at night in his bedroom because he was called fat or (insert any variation here) during the school day. Just talking about it writing about it makes my blood boil. There were times where I confronted the sh*tforbrains about their actions and they nearly peed themselves. Through all of it, as far as I know, my brother never shouted a mean word back. He took it all in because he knew “two wrongs don’t make a right.” And, quite frankly, he could have caused physical damage if he wanted to.

As middle school turned in to high school, my brother reconciled formally or informally with these asses, became a class officer, and became rather popular. Fast forward- he’s about to graduate college, has had a wicked successful college career and, on yea, he’s lost like 80 pounds and is a runner.

While he appears to have let it go, there are still kids that tick me off when I see them. We are all well in to our twenties at this point and I still want to punch them in the head….I suppose I should get over it but LORD.

As a mother I realize that, in fact, the bullying at such a young age had roots with their parents. Kids at the age of 7,8,9 have no other basis for how to treat people than what they see around them in their family. Somewhere along the way they learned that it was OK to talk to and treat people that way. They didn’t make it up. My parents always taught us to treat people with respect in both actions and with our words.

Quinn will be taught the dying art of RESPECT. Respect yourself. Respect your family. Respect others.

In the face of adversity, do not cast the second stone.



Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Thoughts on Divorce


All at once a four letter word and as trendy as an iPod, it seems.

I have two friends that got married in May of last year who are getting a divorce. Well, let’s be honest, she is one of my best friends and he’s more of “someone I know.” My husband is closer friends with him than he is with her. Thus, we discuss their divorce very little. Anyway. They’re 26. I’ll give you all a minute to collect yourselves, judge, and whatever before I discuss my thoughts on divorce today, especially in our “young” population.

They way I see it, a divorce is only as tragic as the expectations the marriage failed to meet.

When I first met this couple they, well, weren’t. They had just gone through an icky breakup in the summer of 2004. I didn’t pay too much attention to the details of the breakup as I was just meeting everyone, but I know there were outside parties involved, yadda yadda so the story goes.

My friend then went on to start dating a guy she later became engaged to, but in the winter of 2006 they broke off their engagement and she started dating her ex.

I know what many of you are thinking. “I bet she was with her ex all along, or at least near the end.” You know what? Maybe. Maybe not. She’s my friend and I’ve never compromised her integrity by directly asking her about any potential infidelity. If she were to ever offer the information, I’d take it. However, she hasn’t so I am to side with my friend and assume that these were two separate relationships, regardless of what I think I might have done in the situation. And, frankly if she told me she was with him while she was engaged, so what. It’s her life. We shouldn’t try to run the lives of others while we, as Americans, clearly have enough trouble running our own.

Moving on. She and her ex got back together, moved to his hometown, bought a home, got new jobs, got engaged, and got married in less than a year. To me, that is a LOT of change that would signal disaster for any personal relationships in which I may be involved. Any one of the life events they went through can cause stress alone, but together, for my friend, they formed a perfect storm.

The transition was certainly difficult, as it is with any couple moving in together for the first time AND planning a wedding. And, of course, there were doubts (cold feet) along the way as there is with most engaged couples.

However, on the day of the wedding (love you girl) I knew something was wrong. I could tell by the look on her face (complete terror/nausea) that she had more than excited butterflies, jitters. On May 19th 2007 I knew that she deep deep down knew she was making a mistake. But, I also know that EVEN DEEPER down she thought it would all be ok. Thus, I said nothing. I was a bridesmaid. My job was to support her whether SHE DECIDED to walk down the isle or run in to the road. No matter what you may see on TV shows, it’s never OK to tell your friends they’re making a mistake unless there’s abuse or some other extenuating circumstances involved. To do otherwise is to tell your friend that they have no brain with which to judge and run their own lives.

You, as a friend, only see a certain percentage of the relationship. Just because a couple might bicker a lot in front of you, they may spend the other 80% (give or take) of their time in complete bliss…You NEVER have the whole picture. I don’t think anyone ever really has the whole picture, even if they’re in it. Maybe you see even less when you’re in it…Hmm....earmark that for another day.

The wedding was beautiful and I was hammered during the reception. The following months were filled with difficulty, questions of annulment, and counseling for my two friends. She left a couple of times for long weekends to clear her head. He played the “peeing game” by flirting with girls whether she was there or not. Just a few weeks ago, he left. Left left. Took his clothes, took his money, and left to his parents’ house. Yea…don’t get me started on that part…So, my friend was left realizing this was over. Could she backpedal and not threaten to leave if that was what, in fact, drove him to actually leave? Nope. And, quite frankly, if she could it wouldn’t matter. Why wouldn’t it matter? Their expectations.

I was left wondering, what were their individual expectations upon entering the marriage? She told me she wanted a marriage with children, etc. I never asked him-that’s something you don’t ask guys who aren’t your close friend I guess.

Expectations. I had a friend a long time ago say, “Women enter a relationship expecting to change their partner and men enter a relationship hoping their partner will never change.” I have since lost touch with that friend but I think about that statement CONSTANTLY. It’s so true. Women are, by nature, naggers (or nurturers, however you want to say it). If there are little things that “bother” us we figure we can just change them. My husband will verify this. He says I have a laundry list of things to change about him but he hopes I never change. All except the bitchy part I suppose ;)

So, in the end, my friends’ divorce will only be as tragic as the expectations their marriage failed to meet. Maybe neither one of them will ever fully admit/understand the expectations they had or the other person had. Maybe they can’t be that honest with themselves or each other.

I personally feel they are both better off. They are the same people they were when they broke up in 2004. Expectations of change brought them back together in 2006 and tore them apart, again, in 2008.

Young folks of today please listen. Marriage and divorce aren’t accessories added to our overindulgent 21st century lifestyle. Marriage is an ancient right of passage that has been sacred for all centuries of human culture. Marriage isn’t about the wedding. A wedding is one day, and not a full day at that (and rarely a sober day). Marriage is a lifestyle. Marriage is not a dress, tux, reception, guest list, caterer, open bar (well…), gifts, thank you cards, and invitations. A marriage is love, work, sacrifice, growth, support, partnership, family and eternal.

Love each other, love yourselves, and love your friends.

Love your friends well enough to know their expectations, support their decisions, and catch them when they fall. A true friend spends more time with their ears open and their mouth shut. A truer friend spends more time with their arms open than with their ears and mouth combined.



Monday, April 14, 2008

Mommy Diaries: Part VI

Mommy Diaries: Part VI

"Feeding your baby. Bottle? Breast? Both? Neither?!"

This very well could have been part II but I'm glad I waited to post about this because my thoughts and feelings have changed a MILLION times.

I will warn members of my family (little bro) that I will discuss breastfeeding a bit here so, skim at your own risk ;)

There I sat, online at work (as usual...which may get me fired someday, lol), pregnant, and pondering the question that hits pregnant woman at some point during the second tri-mester: "How will I feed my baby?"

Now, this may seem like a simple enough question until you realize that we, especially in the U.S. have a choice. Make that many choices. Breastfeeding was the norm for decades, then it took a backseat in the 70's and 80's only to return again in full force as "THE CHOICE" for infant feeding in the late 20th and early 21st century.

You've certainly seen infant formula commercials where they say "Breast is best" or "breasmilk is best" or some variation on that theme. The idea is that breastmilk IS the best option for your baby as it is literally THEIR food. The mom's body produces this food for the baby filled with antibodies, nutrients, fat, sugar, water, etc.

Here are some pros for breastfeeding:
1. It's free
2. It's convenient (I'll talk more about "convenience" in a minute)
3. It's the perfect food
4. The body does this cool thing. If your baby is coming down with something, when he/she latches on to the boob, the baby's saliva sends a signal via boob and the body will pull the related antibodies and put them in to the milk- no lie!
5. It helps the uterus contract back in to it's pre-pregnancy size
6. It can help the mother lose weight faster due to the calories burned from producing milk.
yadda yadda

For me I never wanted to on-the-breast breast feed. For me, it didn't seem convenient. How is it convenient when only one person on the whole planet can feed the baby? How would it be convenient for me to be the only one to wake up for nighttime feedings, to have to schedule my every out-of-the-house move around when the next feeding might be? NO THANKS!

But, recognizing the benefits of breastmilk I wanted to exclusively pump (EP). I wanted to get a double electric breast pump and give my baby breast milk through a bottle so everyone could feed him.

After my c-section the lactation consultant came in and asked if I wanted to try to latch........Of course!..Wait, I thought I wanted to be an EPer?.....In my defense, on morphine you could have gotten me to attempt to latch with a snapping turtle.

2 days later at the hospital, latching was still a nightmare. Even though my water broke I never really went in to labor (hence the c-section). My body hadn't produced enough of the right hormones to go in to labor. These are the same hormones that facilitate milk production. There I was on day 3 of my son's life being told my milk might NEVER come in...NEVER?! what?! Does that happen?

It finally came in the day we got home from the hospital. Luckily babies don't need much food in the first few days because of what they stored up in the womb, but Quinn had had a few feedings of formula. I never even tried latching at home. I didn't need the stress and the expectations placed on me by the hospital or society regarding "Breast is best." That would have been a sure recipe for Post Partum Depression. I was going to pump and bottle feed, and that was that.

It's worked out nicely. 2 and a half months in I'm still producing milk. Quinn got nothing but breastmilk for nearly 3 weeks. Then, as his appetite increased we mixed bottles 1/2 breast milk and 1/2 formula. Formula allows them to go longer between feedings, too. Because breast milk is so easily digested, it passes through faster, requiring more feedings.

Today, my son is approaching 14 pounds, he's nearly 25 inches long and has lovely fat rolls on his body. He now eats 6-7 ounces every 3.5-5 hours. He gets 2 full breast milk bottles a day, followed by formula.

Honestly, I probably could have continued giving him breast milk exclusively, maybe even to this day, but I had to be realistic. I wanted to help him sleep longer through the night to get us all on schedule when I went back to work and I didn't want to be at the pump my whole life. I pump a few times a day and I have about 80 ounces of breast milk in the freezer. I'll add to that periodically to help us transition when I dry up or decide to stop pumping completely. For now, I"m happy knowing he's still getting 30% of his feedings from breast milk.

So, for all of you moms in the future or mothers-to-be. Be realistic. Do your research. Decide what is right for YOU, your baby and your family. I know tons of people that formula feed right from the beginning and I know as many more that breastfeed forEVER. Know that pumping is an option right along with breast and formula. Email me with any questions :)



Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Mommy Diaries: Part V

Mommy Diaries Part V- A BREAK!

As my husbands birthday on April 4th approached, he "asked" me if I minded that he go to "camp" that weekend with his buddies. I said I didn't mind because my mom was still going to be here so she and I could handle the baby. I really wouldn't have minded if I would have been alone for the weekend with Quinn, but having my mom on hand made "saying yes" a LOT easier!

To my surprise, my mom asked Scott and I if, on that April 4th weekend, she could take Quinlan to Massachusetts to stay at my grandparents house where he would get all kinds of love. This is my Grandma and Grandpa Quinlan, after which our son is named. Scott and I didn't have to think too hard before we said "GO AHEAD!"

Adding some icing on this cake, Scott told me he would be taking the dog with him. This meant one thing.

48 hours ALONE!!!! Me and the cat, to be exact. I haven't had more than an hour or two of ALONE time since like half an hour before my water broke- seriously.

After Friday morning mayhem on the 4th of packing up a baby for a weekend away (yes, they require a weeks worth of goods), saying goodbye to my baby, husband, mother, and dog, that was it- I was alone.

After work I headed to the bookstore and bought "The Letters of John and Abigail Adams." I am obsessed with the "John Adams" miniseries on HBO (that reminds me I must "on demand" this past Sunday's installment) and I headed to Mr. Mike's for a lovely dinner, alone.

For those of you out of the loop, Mr. Mike's is a pizza and Italian restaurant I've worked at on weekends off and on since 2005.

For those of you further out of the loop, it's absolutely OK to eat alone. In fact, I encourage it. I slowly and purposely drank my glass of La Playa Merlot (I don't usually like merlot, but that kind is good), ate my eggplant parmesan (the first time I've had it at Mr. Mike's in the 3 years I've worked there) and read my book.

Then, it hit me- What the HELL did I do with all of my time before?! How, in 24 hours time, could I have squeezed in raising a human being?! I let that thought race through my head for a few more seconds before taking another long, slow, warm sip of my merlot.

I said goodbye to my friends at the restaurant and headed home to do some laundry. No lie. Our new washer and dryer came after the old unit broke and it made me feel accomplished to get a few loads done before heading to watch a movie with our friends Tracy and Meghan. I'll blog about the angelic nature of my absolute savior Meghan later.

What did I do as we were settling in to watch the movie at their house? PASS OUT. I mean down for the count, I woke up when the movie was over. Oh well, after 9 weeks of intermittent sleep, what did anyone expect?

I went home around midnight and slept until 11:30 Saturday morning. Well, I woke up around 8:30 to pump but that's a story for another day. Don't let me forget to blog about "Baby feeding: breast, bottle, both, neither?"

Anyway. Saturday was filled with coffee, 50 degree sunny weather in this frozen tundra, a run, and, thanks to my savior Meghan, a free massage. A whole hour of pure indulgence, followed by dinner of a buffalo chicken wrap and a cosmopolitan...mmmmmmmm cosmopolitans with raspberry vodka should be the national drink or something.

Sunday afternoon was approaching and the orange rind on my carriage was starting to show.

While I thoroughly enjoyed my 48 or so hours as a bachelorette, I desperately missed my husband, my son, and obviously my mother :) Sure, it was nice to sleep when and how long I wanted to. It was nice to come and go as I pleased, just picking up the keys and walking out the door. It was nice to spend as long as I wanted without worrying about feeding times, changing times, nap times, or when Scott was coming or going from work. While all that was nice- it was much nicer knowing I am someones wife and mother. All the free time and extra sleep in the world doesn't compare to the smiling face of my son being carried through the door or the warm embrace of my loving (albeit smelly after camp for the weekend) husband.

Yes. I love my life. Both of them :) And, I hope I don't go too long before I get to hang out with bachelorette Andrea again- she's a wacko.



Friday, April 4, 2008

Mommy Diaries Part IV

Mommy Diaries: Part IV

Thoughts on post-baby body image (body what?), doing the deed, and gassy, floppy babies.

I’m dumbfounded that more than entire month has past since my last post! I kept saying "today I’ll post, today I’ll post." Honestly, it’s probably best that I didn’t then because what you would have read would have been way more incoherent than what you’re about to read.

After a couple of weeks of going to the gym rather regularly I decided to take a minute in front of the mirror before getting in the shower one day. After blankly staring in the mirror for a good minute (a minute is painfully long when standing naked anywhere, let alone in front of a mirror post-baby) I wanted to scream, "Are you KIDDING ME?!?!"

For those of you who know me well, you know I’ve never been skinny, and I’ve only been fat once (which most people from high school missed since it was during my sophomore year of college and I lost it before my junior year thank god). While I’ve never been skinny, I’ve always had a rockin’ stomach. That was my thing. I had booty and thighs but I had a tiny waist and a flat stomach.

Well- pregnancy ruined the ONE thing about my body that I carried proudly. THE ONE THING. Granted- I did not come home from the hospital looking pregnant as I feared via seeing many women suffer that fate, but I was less than excited to see that my stomach now looked as though I had a red roadmap of the United States tattooed all over it.
I’m speaking of Stretchmarks (yes, they earn a capital "s") for those of you assholes who don’t have them.

Now, some of them are very shallow and very small and may actually go away. But, alas, the others will simply fade and become a shiny, sad, medal of honor of some sort. So, the long and the short of it is I’ve joined weight watchers online to assist in reclaiming what was once mine.

Aside from having my stomach, muscles, and uterus cut open to airlift a baby, my new body image and sleep deprivation combined to make a perfect storm- NO LIBIDO!
When my husband first suggested sex I had the luxury of saying "the doctor says not for 6 weeks, my body just went through a trauma." When the 6 weeks were up I had the confidence to look at him, smile and say, "yea..right" When he asked "why?" I simply stared at him as though he just gave birth himself and said "How the HELL could you WANT TO??!?!"

Twice. That is the number of times since February 2nd, 2008 that we’ve "done it." And, really, the first time didn’t count because I held my breath the whole time in prayer that nothing would hurt, smoosh, tear, etc. Men boggle my mind.

At my 8-week check up the midwife said, "What would you like to do for birth control at this point?" I looked her right in the eye and stated, "Absinence."

No lie.

Well, our little man is now 2 months old as of yesterday. He’s really crossing the threshold and is almost a full blown human! He is eating (drinking) more, sleeping for 4, sometimes 5 hours a time at night, and it comes...SMILING AND GIGGLING!

Some Baby Einstein toy, a smiling sun that plays music and flashes colors, is his official best friend. He stares at it for 30-40 minutes sometimes (which is nearly an eternity when you’re 8 weeks old or a mom cooking dinner quite frankly) and he laughs, makes noises at it, and gives the biggest toothless smile you’ve ever seen.

I never thought, in all my life, that I would fall in love with a person wearing a toothless smile.

This is a big change from roughly 3 weeks ago when Quinn went through 3 days of screaming his head off. Yep 3 days. Maybe it was 4 and I blacked out during one. My mom was here, thank God, because one of those nights he cried for 4 hours. Straight. Screaming. He wasn’t sick, was clean, changed, dry, fed, and not hurt.

After the 3rd (or 4th) day of frantic observation it dawned on me as he was trying to eat. Dear God, my 6 week old has outgrown the newborn nipple on the bottles!

He was trying to eat faster (because he was eating more at this point) and the newborn nipples are designed to be slow-flow for newbies and he had just had it! HE was screaming because he couldn’t get the food out fast enough, then he’d give up and fall asleep after 45 minutes of trying to eat, and then would scream because he was hungry but wouldn’t eat because it was too much effort!

How the hell was I supposed to know before the 11th hour that a nipple designed for a 3 month old was desired by my son 1/2 that age?

Men. They all want bigger nipples than offered.



Mommy Diaries Part III

Oh what a month it's been!

Quinlan turns 1 month old on March second and I am amazed at how many changes he has undergone in that time. I'm further amazed at the changes in my relationship with my husband and the formation of our FAMILY.

The first week home was strange because I was still recovering from the c-section. However, I did as much as I could during the day as my body pieced itself back together. I'll tell you what, I'm fully ready to recover from a tummy-tuck if I would ever decide to get one because recovery is very similar! ouch!

The first week home was full of sleep deprivation, but it wasn't horrible. My husband and I got in one good bitch fest at each other a day and then we got over it. It's amazing how little sleep one can function on, haha. Quinlan's been sleeping roughly 3 hours at a time at night now. It was less when he was on breast milk alone, but I now mix his bottles with 1/2 breast milk and 1/2 formula so it sticks around in his system longer

The first week...well the first 2 weeks, felt like one long day. Thank GOD my mom was here. The first 2 weeks was full of getting excited over poopy diapers, laughing at my husband as he got peed on during nearly EVERY diaper change, and napping when we could.

For all of you contemplating conception and parenthood, I HIGHLY suggest you seek out a very dedicated family member to stay with you, or at least come over during the day, every day, for the first week-at LEAST the first week. My mom made food and did was absolute heaven!!! She stayed until Feb. 19th when we all headed to Massachusetts to introduce Quinn to my family.Cars are lovely. Quinn slept nearly the whole 4 hour ride to Massachusetts.

My grandparents absolutely loved him and it was nice to get out of this icebox excuse for a place to live for a while, lol.

After we returned this past Sunday, it was like our real family life began. It was just me, my husband, and our son...Our family. My husband, bless his soul, has off from work until March 10th and I am off until April 1st. This week M-Th dear Scott let me sleep in and I felt like a bum- AND I LOVED IT! He had the coffee made and the baby fed and down for a nap by the time I got up for the day- SHOUT OUT TO SCOTT!

The nights are getting better. Scott and I alternate getting up for middle-of-the-night feedings. We just nudge each other and say "your turn." Quinlan is in a bassinette in our bedroom right now and that makes things so so much easier! I imagine once he starts sleeping a little longer at night we'll move him in to the crib but I'm happy not wandring through the house at night to get to him.

Among the magical things this week are: 1. Quinn focuses more on objects and faces 2. I am back to going to the gym at LEAST 3x a week (although I can't go full-out until I get clearance at my appt. on 3-24, grr) 3. Scott discovered that Quinn loves to be swung. Since his swing is best for when he can hold his head up, Scott discovered strapping him in to the car seat and swinging him until he falls asleep. He is currently asleep in the carseat in our bedroom now, going on hour 2! 4. I am drinking a Guinness a day to keep my milk supply up- it's true!! look it up!

I promise the next installment will be filled with slightly more sarcasm as I discuss my first real look at my body upon going back to the gym, sexual advances from you know who, gassy babies, and "when are you going to DO something?"


Mommy Diaries Part II

I realized today I must condense these two parts-the hospital stay and our first week home-because my mind is slipping on the details, lol.

The mprphine drip and percocets caused hazy hospital memories and adjusting to home life caused the last 10 days at home to feel like one!

Part II
After being greeted by my family and my son after the c-section, I was officially a mother and my husband and I had a "real" family. I was given a shot of Dilottid (sp?) which is a synthetic morphine and I was in total lala land.I maintained conversation, and was quite chatty with a dry mouth hahaha.

After some meeting and greeting and ooing and ahhing, everyone left. My mother stayed with me so my husband could go home, get a good night sleep, and gather some things I had left at home that I would need for my now longer than planned hospital stay due to the unexpected c-section.

With vaginal deliveries you're in the hospital for 2 nights, and with c-sections you're in there for roughly 4 nights, or until you poop. Yep. That's right. As though I hadn't thrown all my modesty out of the window after 16 hours of labor, prepping via a catheter and shaving for the c-section and attempting to breastfeed in front of my friends (they and I did not care), I was told I couldn't eat solid foods, let alone go home, until they were sure my intestines were "up and running" again after the spinal. yay. I couldn't imagine standing up, let alone standing up to sit down again and do...that...AAANNNYWAY.

The nurses rock. They keep the baby in the nursery so you can get sleep after your long ordeal. They brought Quinlan in when he needed to feed (which isn't that often as fresh newborns are more interested in sleeping and they have food stores to go on for a day or two). So I got some LOOOVELY morphine-induced sleep the first night.

The next morning I asked to NOT have the morphine anymore because I hate feeling so loopey. They laughed at me and told me I'd be moved to Percocet today. Yay- aNOTHER new drug I had yet to try.

Breastfeeding was a giant pain and Quinn never really latched properly, unless with extended help from the lactation consultant. He was 2 weeks early and my milk hadn't yet come in, a bad combo.

My mind was made up- I'd be a pumper. It is really important to me that Quinlan gets breastmilk as long as possible for a variety of reasons that I'll share in a later blog regarding my Exclusive Pumping. If he isn't going to take it from me, I have NO problems pumping and giving it to him in a bottle. Plus-there are wicked benefits to mom with the whole milk-production thing.Brief aside- formula stays in the digestive system longer, meaning newborns on formula USUALLY go 3-4 hours between feedings. Breast milk-eating babies need to eat every 1.5-2.5 hours as newborns. Luckily if Quinn wants to eat every 1.5 hours he does that during the day...He's gone as long as 3 hours at night. yay! Another aside- breast milk babies poop with every feeding because of how easily digested the milk is...yay. lol.

So after a few days, successful intestine start-up, good pediatrician checks, a circumcision, a glass of wine with our "special meal", they said "Tomorrow you guys can go home." mean we can't stay HERE forever?!?!

Stay tuned for a more informative Part III as I discuss getting home with our new bundle of joy.

They told us we couldn't stay in the hospital forever.

Mommy Diaries Part I

Mommy Diaries: Part I
As many of you know by now, I've had our baby! I'll give quick stats before I dive in to the long birth story. Well, it was long in time, won't take too long to write!Quinlan Kenneth RandallSaturday, February 2nd, 20085:26pm (keep the day and time in mind as you read on)7 pounds 13 ounces21 inches long*absolutely perfect*

My last blog had me convinced I was leaking amniotic fluid, which was evident by the ultrasound I had that day. I had one non stress test on Wednesday, and planned my next one for Saturday morning.

After posting on Wednesday I felt crappy all week, which was unlike the rest of my pregnancy. I was sure my mind was playing tricks on me, although my mother was convinced I "would have that baby by Saturday night."

Friday was a particularly crappy day at work because people were particularly annoying. I finished up everything and just couldn't wait to get home. Scott was working late so I knew I had the house to myself alllllll night-yay! I got home to a very clean house because Scott cleaned in the morning because we were going to have a Superbowl Party at our place on Sunday. I made dinner, did the rest of our laundry, and watched a few episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 on soapnet. Quite the perfect night for a fully pregnant person.I dozed off to sleep around 10pm.

Scott came home around midnight and was in the living room watching TV. I got up to go to the bathroom and headed out to see him. As I stepped out of the bedroom I felt it...a small gush..At first I thought, "dear GOD have I lost control of EVERY PART of my body?!" I went back to the bathroom to try to empty my apparently still full bladder. As I stood up, a bigger gush....HOLY JESUS MY WATER ACTUALLY BROKE!I ran in to the living room with my pants in hand and said "Honey, we gotta go!" It took him a few good minutes of staring at me and my pants before he got up and slowly walked toward me. My heart was racing-this was real.

Let me inform you that Friday was the worst weather day in weeks in Lake Placid and we joked that we couldn't go in to labor that day...ooooh how the gods work...

The drive to Saranac Lake was completely silent, completely icy, and completely wet.

We checked in to the hospital at 12:30am on Friday night/Saturday morning and I got all hooked up to the monitors. I was having infrequent, irrelevant contractions at that point so the nurse suggested I get some sleep. I was 2cm dilated and sleeping away.9:00am rolls around-still 2cm. They started me on Pitocin to get my contractions a rolling and they gave me a bag of antibiotic since my water had broken so long ago. The pitocin got the contractions stronger and closer together...for a short while. Then my uterus decided to take a break. Marcy, our nurse, even said, "do you HAVE a uterus?" LOL.

My contractions went from regular to nearly non existent and back and forth again. 5 hours later I was 3cm...not the kind of progress you like when you're supposed to dilate 1cm an hour...An hour later-3cm...The doctor said "I'll give you one more hour and then if you're insistent on staying at 3 we'll have to talk about something else." lol.

One hour later.....3cm..This brings us to 4:00pm on Saturday...Nearly 16 hours after my water broke. It was time for a c-section. By then I was so ready to see our baby I didn't care if he was squeezed out or airlifted out.Mr. Anesthesiologist came in and rocked my world. It wall happened so fast. My mom opted to come in to the O.R. with me because my dear husband would have been useless and passed out on the floor.

I get in to the OR, they stick a needle in my spine and away we went. Keep in mind, I have NEVER had any kind of surgery before so feeling my feet go numb up to my chest nearly sent me in to a panic attack. But I gathered myself only because I didn't want them to put me under-that would've been awful. My mom came in and in less than 5 minutes my baby boy came screaming in to the world.

He was born at 5:26pm, 4 minutes shy of 17 hours after being admitted to the hospital. My mom held my hand and talked me through the rest of the surgery. She has had 2 c-sections and watched the whole thing. She told me what they were doing, where they were stitching, etc.

The first time I heard Quinlan scream I lost it. My abdomen was still open and I lay there crying, completely unaware that people were still digging around inside my body. I got to see him for a few minutes, then the wheeled him out to dad while they put me back together. It was my doctors birthday as well!

My hour in the recovery room was dandy. They had me on dilottid (sp?) which is a synthetic morphine. For someone that doesn't even use cough drops, I was in my glory.

I was wheeled in to my room, greeted by my husband, mom, brother, and 2 close friends who were with us allll day. Last but certainly most, I was greeted by my little boy.


Welcome to my "Mommy Diaries."

I am a 24 (soon to be 25) year old married (to 26 year old Scott) mother of one two-month old bundle of joy named Quinlan. His name is my mother's maiden name.

We live in Lake Placid, NY, otherwise known as the place too cold for hell to freeze over. Yes, it's the Lake Placid that hosted two winter olympics, including the "Miracle on Ice." Yes, it's the Lake Placid that hosts hockey tournaments nearly year-round to "hockey families" from Massachusetts, Connecticut, and (worst of all) New Jersey.Those are blogs for another day my friend. Ps- there are no homicidal reptiles in our waters.

I digress.

My "Mommy Diaries" is a blog I host on my page. However, not everyone has, or wants to have, a myspace page, but (trust me) everyone wants to read this. So I will post my blogs on my myspace page and here on blogspot-except on here you'll find me at mondernmomsdiaries because mommydiaries was taken- I otta check it out.

I'll take the next few minutes to copy and paste my "Mommy Diaries" installments from myspace to catch all of you up.