Sunday, January 29, 2012

Then the tears came...

I cried in church last I was front of everyone. Rather, I couldn't finish what I WANTED to say because the tears cut me off and filled in the rest.

Nearly 2 weeks ago Quinn had tubes put in his ears. Big deal, lots of kids get tubes- right? Not so much.

When I would tell people he was getting tubes they would say, "ah, ear infections?" And I'd have to explain that he's only had 2 or 3 ear infections in his 4 years of life, and not the 14 a year that often ignites talks of tubes. Quinn failed his hearing test at school...then again at the audiologist. The audiologist stated that Quinn couldn't hear much below 45 decibels, which is a relatively normal speaking volume-except for in this house ;) The ENT said that there was a significant fluid build-up behind his eardrums- no real "reason" like 7 million ear infections...just poor drainage with stuffy noses, etc that most of us don't notice.

After Quinn's surgery, specifically right when we got home at 10am and proceeded to my bedroom to take a nap, he heard the cat eating- presumably for the first time. He sat up in bed and said "WHAT'S THAT SOUND?!" Describing this specific revelation in Church cracked my voice and I couldn't share that Quinn cried when I yelled from one room to another with him standing right next to me- because it hurt his ears, or that the next several days were filled with walks to the bus stop that made him stop dead in his tracks to look around at where any given sound came from.

Quinn's speaking volume is gradually getting lower too, and our house is becoming a quieter place as well. I have to pay attention to his new sensitivity. If I snap loudly at him, he's been driven to tears. If the house gets loud and full of commotion, he seems to either retreat or overreact as if it's sensory overload (which it is).

It's another new way of life around here, as my big man hits FOUR YEARS OLD TOMORROW!

Birthday post will come tomorrow :)

Love you buddy!


Sunday, January 8, 2012

Like climbing Mt. Everest...

The title of this post comes from a blog I was just introduced to. Her January 4th post (the first one I read) hit so close to home that I posted it on my Facebook page as "the best commentary on motherhood I've ever read." Here's the link for you to get caught up... ...All caught up? Awesome, right?

Might I add that motherhood, some days, is like climbing Mt. Everest WHILE IT'S ON FIRE, and other days it's like you've grown wings and can soar up it.

The Chronos moments are those like I summarized in my run-on paragraph describing my hiatus. Those are all snippets of time, and things that have happened and we've just moved on.

The Kairos moments we can see on most days, but describe the summation of parenting- of mothering. I highlight mothering because it IS different. Yes, growing a child doesn't make one a mother. But, for those of us who grew, nursed, and are raising our children- it's MOTHERING. Mothering is, and will likely remain, the single most spiritual connection with God I will ever have until I meet Him myself. Raising children gives you a direct line to the Big Guy. Not only because children are more spiritually attuned than the rest of us, but God GAVE them SPECIFICALLY to us. I think about that sometimes when I'm having a particularly difficult day. I think "well, if someone else could be doing it better I'm sure God would have given the kids to on!"

I hope you take the time to read that post- it's really great, and is truly the only reason for this post :)

Carry on fellow mommy warriors ;)


Friday, January 6, 2012

Stop all the clocks...

...Thank you W.H. Auden...Well, I only wish we could. Then, we could ignore the fact that I haven't had a post since JULY. July? Seriously?

I'd call this a hiatus. Before I typed that word, I thought, "I can't truly call it a hiatus because I didn't KNOW it was going to be a hiatus." In truth, I had no intentions between then and now of posting- alas it was a hiatus. And, I found a great quote to help bookend the time away, "Thus began a break of undetermined length and meaning." (Jacob Slichter).

I like the "...and meaning" part of that quote. What did my hiatus mean?

I can tell you what I DID during that time: Quinn's hair grew back, I started working as an Aide in a Pre-K 3 classroom at a CATHOLIC school (much more on that later), Paige and Aiden turned 2, I'm still not losing weight, I stopped trying to lose weight, I started trying to lose weight, marriage counseling (cue the gasp), Quinn started Head Start, Quinn was evaluated by the Committee on Preschool Special Education, he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder/Sensory Seeking, Quinn subsequently failed a hearing test at school, then again at the audiologist, leading to our appt in a week with the ENT to see if tubes in his ears will fix the significant hearing loss apparently caused by extreme fluid build up behind his ear drum, friends have become pregnant with 2nd babies, my baby brother got engaged to his FABULOUS girlfriend, people have come out of the closet, people have locked themselves in the closet, people forget where the closet is, people think the closet matters, I read the ENTIRE Twilight series in 10 days, and have seen all 4 movies that have been released thus far- 3 of them many more than one time, Christmas happened in all of its yuletide glory, and here I sit, January of 2012 the year the Mayans ran out of room on their calendar... ;)

But, what did that all mean? I've become a better mother, hopefully a better wife, but I've become one that realizes she NEEDS to write. Something. Every. Single. Day. Writing has always come easily to me. Poems, short stories, this blog. However, when life gets busy and I forget that writing connects ME to MY life...I get all disoriented, disillusioned, and lots of other nasty dis- words. My ONLY New Year's resolution is to write more. I hope you all get to see most of it- I've always been an open book- that's how people learn and grow. I hope as I sort out my subconsciously planned hiatus, you can be there with me and we can all move forward, and be better.

Let us not, "pack up the moon and dismantle the sun." as Auden depressingly writes in one of my favorite poems of all time. Rather, lets grow together- be better together.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." ~Aristotle